Dad, I had taken you for granted all along!

It just happened that I came out of my Vipassana meditation course today - on Kushe Aunshi, the Nepalese equivalent of the father's day. Buddha deserted his family in search of truth, leaving his would-be-son, Rahul to the mercy of his mother and the courtiers.

 In the last 10 days, I was taught to observe my breathing and bodily sensations in silence and with eyes closed - without reacting to any of them: be it pleasure or pain. This was Buddha's discovery of a way to train our mind so that, in due time, it would be strong enough to break all the attachments us mere mortals are chained with and set us free, get us enlightened. Now here I am writing full of emotions about an attachment that just got so stronger, in a matter of minutes. What an irony? One of Buddha's teachings is about truth, and perhaps the meditation has just emboldened me to spell out a truth that I myself was unaware of. Or I had been deliberately hiding myself with.

So on Kushe Aunshi, I browse Facebook after 11 full days to find many Nepalese friends posting pictures with their old man or young man. I have my Old man in Nepal. And my young man is in London, only with his mum, for the last 3 months. For those who may not know, I am in America since the middle of June. And I wanted to post a picture of these 3 men- my dad, me and my son together and show off. I skim through my collections and fail to find one. In fact there is not a single picture of my father throughout my 8-years-old Facebook.

We had only been to Nepal less than a year ago. There were many pictures taken, some even with strangers. But it can now be revealed that we didn't bother to have one with our dad. So now, I cannot

have the three of us posted together in my Facebook wall. What a travesty? Was I trying to hide something? Why did not it came up to me that the granddad had to be pictured with his grandson? Yes, I was ignorant- unknowingly. Or may be knowingly?

I am grateful to the almighty that my dad didn't do a Buddha on me. Buddha might have shown the path of enlightenment to many, but it is my father who got me wherever I am today. It was his resolve and perseverance that defied his means to get me into a decent school. And the recurring monsoon floods of the Tinau that he swam across years after years holding me and my friends to get us to and from the school. He just kept pushing on and on till his palms bruised and feet cracked to wheel me out of school and college.

And today when I call him to fulfill a formality- he just asks if I was doing well and if I was keeping happy. No complaints, no expectations. No, I have not sent any gifts or cards to him on a father's day, any father's days. Dad, I had taken you for granted all along. I wish I could be a dad half as you are.Thank you baba. And thank you Buddha!